WEEKEND | Julian Assange’s resolution

As 2010 recedes into the distance, we can’t help but reflect on the questions that kept us up at night over the past twelve months. Questions like, “Wait – how could I have spent more time ordering #8 sandwiches at G-Heav than studying?” Or perhaps (SPOILER ALERT), “You guys, did that chick actually turn into a black swan, and then die? WhazzawhazzaWHAA!?!”

For Julian Assange, however, the questions are just a little bit weightier: “Did I really repeatedly make public sensitive, secret information, flee from police, get arrested and then claim innocence?” If there was a winner of the twenty-four hour news cycle in 2010, it was surely Mr. Assange. Loved by some, hated by others, he’s definitely sketchier than most. Who else has been hailed as a paragon of the importance of free speech while also being accused of molesting a woman in Sweden? Few can boast a reputation as contradictory or confusing as his. It goes without saying that a calm life of temperate virtue is no longer in the cards for Assange. As he sits at home (under house arrest) reflecting on the past year, who can say what resolutions he will scheme up for 2011? How can he outdo his explosive 2010 performance? My guess: bereft of any better ideas, he’ll take the time to fine-tune his image by spicing up his eerie, villianous exterior. My prediction: he’ll dye his hair black with orange tips and start listening to death metal.

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