Beyond the bleachers: a rookie’s guide to the game

Don’t like football? We know. The Game is so much more than football — it’s Yale, it’s pride, it’s letting loose after three long months of bench-pressing textbooks and being tackled by midterms. But if mid-game your voice gets hoarse from cheering and you can’t bear to sit on those stone steps any longer, here are some alternatives for debauchery on Crimson turf:

Dress to Impress

Harvard-Yale … a rare opportunity to bust out your most self-congratulatory university paraphernalia and feel no shame. What’s more, you can bask in the glory of the preppiness (and frattiness — did someone say lax pinnies?) that surrounds you. Pearls, bow ties, class rings, furs, anything with the Yale insignia will do (nothing is too over the top).

But if you forgot your seersucker at home, stop by Newbury Street to pick up a few last-minute essentials. We recommend checking out Ralph Lauren Rugby — so collegiate! But if you’re missing out on the mass-market hipster vibe, there’s an Urban Outfitters just across the street.

Toot them horns

Those stinking Crimsons bought 2,000 vuvuzelas and launched the “Silence Yale” Campaign. Sucks for them — Harvard officials have officially banned them from the Game. It’s probably a good thing. At 120 decibels, these horns are quite the noise-makers. (The threshold for pain is at 130 dB. Yikes, guys.) But you can still make that droning, vuvuzela sound with your voice, right? Who wants to be the conductor?

Prankster

If watching a football get thrown around isn’t entertaining enough for you, devise a mischievous plan with some buddies. You won’t have a Marauder’s Map to navigate Harvard Stadium, but for inspiration, Wikipedia this: We Suck.

Support Yale Grandmas

If you have the stamina to make it to the stadium, you might look for something to distract you from the large men in tight pants below. What’s better than knitting to occupy your hands? You could start crafting a Christmas gift for Mom or some mittens for yourself — very useful for the cold winters in New England. If you are particularly ambitious and well-prepared, you could even start knitting a Yale scarf for next year’s Game on home territory. Get creative.

PDA

“Rah! Rah! Rah!” cheers the crowd. But you ain’t feeling any of that. You’re going gaga for that handsome/beautiful guy/gal beside you. Go for it! Translate that adrenaline into passion for a fellow Eli. Take this couple caught at The Game last year for example. Oh, young love (lust?).

Explore Boston

Partied too hard Friday night and didn’t get to see the great city of Boston? Go on a Duck Tour for wacky, quacky, totally tacky trip around the Bean Town! Ridin’ high on these brightly repainted WWII amphibious vehicles is a hoot. With high audience participation with zero physical activity, this option is perfect for some post-Tailgate fun.

Chow Down, Bean Town

Delve into some deep investigation of your own and hop on The T to China Town or Faneuil Hall, conveniently located right across the river, for cheap eats and restaurants of every kind. Of particular interest is Faneuil Hall’s Durgin Park, one of Boston’s crowning culinary glories that dates back to 1742. It’s known for its traditional New England fare … lobster, chowder and — best of all — Boston Baked Beans. Sounds like a tootin’ good time.

Historical Haunts

The Freedom Trail is a great way to enjoy a stroll through the city while educating yourself on the nation’s history. Check out some of the Revolutionary hotshots at the Granary Burying Ground and enjoy the swan boats at Boston Common. You might also learn that the man on the Samuel Adams beer bottle is in fact Paul Revere. Scandal!

Feeling Homesick?

Alternatively, get all your things packed up and hurry to catch an early flight home after the tailgate. While the journey might be rough, there’s nothing like a good night’s sleep in your own bed to cure your post-Game ailments.

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