Blonde: snack time snack time snack time

There is an excessive amount of classroom snacking occurring on this campus and it is annoying. Yale tried to curtail this habit by taking away our paper cups so we would stop heisting chicken breasts at every meal. But then they just gave us silver mugs with more storage space.

Clarification: I love eating more than anyone could ever understand, but particularly unhealthy eating. Come into my room and find me without a box of powdered Pop’ems. I dare you. I will buy whoever finds me without a box of Pop’ems a box of Pop’ems and we’ll share them and talk about how sinfully good they are.

I love eating so much that I’ve developed a serious intolerance to the sound of other people eating when I am not. It hits me the most in seminar, when some eco-chick brings granola or some other really healthy crunchy food to munch on. Chewing is the sound of pleasure — pleasure that I am not experiencing because I do not like foods that travel well and don’t make a mess and hence, can never eat in class.

Bringing food to class should be like valentines or candy in elementary school: you either had to bring enough for everyone, or not bring any at all. And you can only bring things people actually enjoy eating, like Pop’ems.

Maybe the reason for this snack-eating epidemic is that people forget to eat lunch.

Forgetting to eat lunch is something that I will never understand. Not ever. How do you go from 10 in the morning until three without realizing that you forgot to eat lunch or getting hungry? What really kills me is when I hear people talk about forgetting to eat lunch like it’s some badge of courage. Yes, your life is so busy with studying and intellectual fulfillment that you couldn’t be bothered to remember poor little old lunch (or dinner for that matter) — that must be the reason why I’ve now been watching you eat cookie dough for the last hour with your hands because the buttery ran out of spoons again. You’re clearly way too cool and busy for a midday meal.

In the unlikely event that you actually are this busy, your books are not agoraphobic; they can travel to the dining hall with you. Plus this way you’ll have something to sit with, since you’re probably too busy for friends. If you’re really strapped, stop at Durfee’s for sustenance.

Either way, you think not doing that extra reading is irresponsible? Yeah, well, so is missing a lunch. At least fiscally it is. Lunch is $10.25. You could buy three boxes of Pop’ems with that. THREE.

Still not convinced? Lunch in Commons is (sometimes) really good. Even if it’s not great on the day that you go, I can guarantee that there will be french fries of some kind and that they will be tasty — unless they are the kettle chips, in which case I’m sorry. This kind of mix-up is easily preventable by subscribing to dining hall menus and learning what the next day’s fare will be at approximately 12:15 the morning of.

Not that I care, but eating lunch is healthy. If you’re becoming forgetful enough to forget about lunch, it’s probably because you need to eat it. So do us all a favor and spare us the sound of chewing on your rolled oats as the rest of us try to “digest” knowledge and go to a dining hall.

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