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Earlier this week, I received an invitation on Facebook to an ADPhi-hosted event called “Drink for the Homeless.” Guests are encouraged not only “to drink for the homeless” but also to “DRESS like you are homeless,” which is, according to the fraternity brothers, “just as important.” Hedonism for Poverty events of this ilk are quite commonplace at Yale. In mixing rhyme scheme, alliteration, and collegiate kitsch with the likes of terminal illness and genocide, Yale excels in self-serving service to those in need.

I have compiled a list of both real and imagined Hedonism for Poverty events. Ridiculous? Maybe. Effective? Perhaps, but probably not. Real? See if you can tell.

Beer-ia for Syria

Undressed for the Midwest

PBR 4 MPB (Male Pattern Baldness)

S’Mores for Darfur (roasted S’Mores on Old Campus to raise awareness of the Genocide)

Pancakes for Poverty

Go Brunette for Tibette (as a form of solidarity, of course)

Kiss Away Cancer

Wear Plaid for Chad (a benefit for the oppressed Scottish community in Chad)

Gonad or Go Home (Testicular Cancer Benefit)

Dance for Darfur

Beers for Jews for Jesus for Darfur at Yale

Party for the Fartie (it’s a real problem, let’s get serious about finding a cure)

Madness 4 Mauritius (the madness involved heavy drinking, I believe)

Poop for Peace

Drinkin’ for Lincoln

Justice for Scotland

Hugs for Haiti

Boobies for Freedom

January for February

Get Younger for Hunger (I envision this to involve plastic surgery)

Reach Out Milwaukee

Pub Crawl 4 Life

Floor Lamps for Menstrual Cramps

Tango for Tetnus

Kiss Away Cancer

Bongos for the Congos

Penne for Pasta

Sake Bombing for Bollywood

Drink for the Homeless

Ping Pong for Phnom Penh

Raise the Roof for the Homeless

Bakesale for BadStuff

Poppin’ for Haiti

Sam Tsui for Wounded Knee

Wine and Brie for the Na’Vi

Fornicate for Food Poisoning

Leopard Print for Leprosy

Streak for Widow’s Peak

Snuggle for Struggle

Snuggles for Puggles (mix between a pug and a beagle)

Jocks for Prairie Fox

Donuts for Dry Skin and Mild to Moderate Leg Cramps for Charity

Inebriate 2 Educate

Toad’s Place for Samuel Chase (signatory to the United States Declaration of Independence)

Get it on for the Amazon (River Basin)

Find a Cure for Ugly

FarmVille for Mad Cow

The Real Deal: S’Mores for Darfur, Pancake for Poverty, Kiss Away Cancer, Dance for Darfur, Madness 4 Mauritius, Drinkin’ for Lincoln, Hugs for Haiti, Pub Crawl 4 Life, Bongos for the Congos, Raise the Roof for the Homeless, Inebriate 2 Educate