Astronauts: better than halftime?

Men in tight pants are all well and good, but we all know why we watch the Super Bowl — the ads. Here’s what we can’t stop youtubing:

It’s all about Beer

What would a Super Bowl be without beer … commercials? Bud Light may be my new drink of choice for convincing Conan O’Brien to dress slutty and crawl around on a shag rug. The Clydesdales ad with a Scottish voice narrating the saga of a horse who travels across the Atlantic to elope with a circus pony also wins major points, though possibly only because while watching it my friend screamed, “Ha! I knew all Scottish people were horses!”

Tires that are cooler than cars

Some good car ads, especially from Audi, but Bridgestone steals the show. One commercial features Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head cruising around a country road. Mr. is driving and Mrs. is nagging the hell out of him. Suddenly they round a corner and Mr. slams on the brakes to avoid a herd of sheep, causing his wife’s chattering lips to fly off the cliff edge. In another ad, two astronauts cruise all over the moon in their space vehicle listening to “Jump Around,” stopping to break it down only to discover that while they’ve been bumping and grinding in sub-gravity, someone has stolen their tires. Who knew that tires could be so hilarious?

Movies I want to see

Not that the action sequences for “Star Trek” and “Transformers 2” weren’t undeniably awesome and the idea of Jack Black and Will Ferrell in separate movies that both involve ridiculous time travel doesn’t make me want to throw up a bit in my mouth, but I’m going to have to say my favorite trailer was for DreamWorks’ “Monsters vs. Aliens.” Adorable one-eyed blobby monsters and two poop jokes in the first 30 seconds (the toilet seat scans a characters naked butt at the military command center and then the president responds to the alien invasion with, “Uh, boys set the terror level at code brown ‘cause I need to change my pants”) — what’s not to love? One could raise the argument that it’s basically a knock-off combination of “The Incredibles” and “Monsters, Inc.” Then again, one could also point out that they don’t really care because computer animation is awesome and this bad boy is in 3-D.

Sucks to be a senior, but…

So, the economy is going to hell and you’re worried you’ll be bumming around your parents’ basement come July. Honestly, you probably will be, but at least you can surf the web for jobs between bemoaning your lost youth and pissing off your mother. Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com certainly hope you will, and have cleverly attempted to capture the attention of the nation’s unemployed with two stunning commercials. Monster’s features a satisfied business mogul in a swanky office complete with dark wood, classical music and a mounted moose head. When the camera pans around to the adjacent room, we see a miserable, overweight worker slaving away at his TPS reports, his desk right under the rest of the moose’s massive body. CareerBuilder, meanwhile, has a repeating series of hilarious and depressing work images (a woman screaming in morning traffic, a man who cries all the time, a worker daydreaming of swimming with the dolphins while laughing hysterically) that illustrate when you know you need a new job. Unless, of course, you make a lot of money — cue handsome man in a bathrobe sitting among bling, smiling as he drinks yellow liquid and announces, “It’s gold!”

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