Not spirited away

Scarlett Johanson’s hot. Like really hot.

It really doesn’t matter if her name is never said in little-boy-in-a-51-year-old-man Frank Miller’s newest epic, “The Spirit.” (I had to check on IMDB to learn that her name is Silken Floss.) A brilliant neurosurgeon, she wore a nurse’s hat and busty cleavage.

She’s a distracting character. To be honest, I couldn’t really pay attention to the plot or the protagonist, immortal/undead/zombie(?)/forgettable Denny Colt, a.k.a. “The Spirit.” Prior to the movie’s events, Colt (Gabriel Macht) apparently was resurrected from the dead by the main villain, The Octopus (Samuel L. Jackson), using a wonder drug.

So the two fight. And fight. And fight.

And then The Octopus gets shot by a mega-bazooka. He still lives — well, ish. (Apparently, he also is immortal/undead/zombie[?]).

The colors and the visual effects are mesmerizing and excessive, akin to that of a comic book. At one point, Colt runs along electrical wires and pauses with every movement, as if in still-frame.

It’s artsy.

That’s it! This isn’t one of those movies that needs plot! It doesn’t need continuity! It has Johanson and Samuel L. Jackson and Eva Mendez! (Mendez plays Colt’s rich lover-thief.) It’s about being nouveau. And having fun.

Jackson, at least, seems to be doing so. As The Octopus, he smashes a muddy toilet onto Colt’s head during the movie, then later shoots his hand diagonally into the air (à la Deutscher Gruß) while facing a poster of Adolf Hitler — you know, acts.

To be honest, I’m not really sure how to react to “The Spirit.” I know it happened, and I know I spent two hours in the theater. It’s all a blur, an artistic mass of the eclectic and the discombobulated. As quickly as characters appear and events occur (like the showing of Eva Mendes’ nice ass), they leave (except for, well, the too-long fight scenes). And then the movie’s done, and I’m not so sure.

Boy, do I miss the antics of racist Jackson in “Die Hard with a Vengeance,” who helps and later sasses Bruce Willis in Harlem. (Helpless Willis was in trouble with the residents there because he wore a sign that says “I hate—” well, let’s just say Nazis.)

Jackson was really having fun in that movie. On top of all that, he was assaulted by a gang, and the man still did not die!

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