Esk Economy Eric

Dear Economy Eric,

Help! The economic crisis has hit, and hit me hard! I’ve lost my job, my house is getting foreclosed and my twin daughters are starting college in the fall. My newborn child is currently nestled in a bed of soft straw in our mailbox. I’d ask my wife to help me, but she recently left me for our financial advisor, Marty. Needless to say, Marty hasn’t been returning my calls. Is there any way I can get my life back on track in the current economic crisis? I don’t remember what bread tastes like.

Sincerely,

Dog Food for Dinner

Dear Dog Food,

Fun name! One penny-pinching technique that’s never led me astray is a seven-letter word that’s a synonym for savings — that’s right, I’m talkin’ ’bout coupons! Coupons can be found in any local newspaper and can be used for just about anything, from yams to Gatorade. So next time you’re in doubt, give a coupon a shout!

Happy Savings!

Economy Eric

Dear Economy Eric,

You smug bastard. I can’t believe I took your advice! My life is totally gone now, and tons of people are totally pissed at me. Money saving techniques, my ass. Who ever heard of a ponzi scheme anyway? You’re a fraud, I tell you, a fraud!

Sincerely,

Hapless under House Arrest

Dear Hapless,

Would a fraud suggest always getting plastic bags instead of paper at the market? When re-used, they can store just about anything, and you can save up to twenty dollars a year! Pretty nifty, huh?

Happy Savings!

Economy Eric

Dear Economy Eric,

Meredith Viera here from Millionaire. Danny’s in the hot seat and shooting for the $32,000 question. Here you go.

Eric, I’ve got 30 seconds. If I don’t win this money my mom can’t get the liver transplant. Who wrote Don Quixote? Was it A: Lazarillo de Tormes? B: Juanes? Is it C: Cervantes? Geez, I’ve only got two seconds left! Is it —

Sincerely,

Already Asked the Audience

Dear Already Asked the,

A good way to read books for free is to check out your local library. Instead of wasting money at Barnes and Noble or on Amazon, why not just sign up for a free library card? In a matter of minutes you’ll gain membership to a lifetime of learning!

Happy Savings!

Economy Eric

Dear Economy Eric,

My economic case came about under very unusual circumstances. Though the age of my assets continues to grow, the value of them steadily decreases year after year, not unlike my physical frame. Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock. With the button industry in the gutter, I have no idea how I will be able to buy diapers when I get old. Baby diapers. My question is this: How curious is my case?

Sincerely,

Old Baby

Dear Old Baby,

Though your case at first sounds curious, upon reflection, it is boring, bloated and a waste of $10. Seriously, a backwards clock? Subtle.

My Money’s on Milk!

Economy Eric

Dear Economy Eric,

Despite the economic crisis, this Tuesday I’m starting a new job in a new city. There are pretty high expectations and, to be honest with you, I feel a little in over my head. I’m a words guy, not a numbers guy! Do you think the economy can be inspired by speeches? I’ve written several and I have to say, they’re pretty powerful. But I still have my doubts. I don’t know if we, in fact, can. What is a bailout anyway? I miss Hawaii.

Sincerely,

Doubtful in D.C.

Dear Doubtful,

Ha ha ha! Not to worry my friend! We’re in good hands with President-elect Obama. Did you hear he’s friends with Bono? Also, I think “Bail Out” is a video game.

Happy Savings!

Economy Eric

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