Things not to say to your parents over break

  1. I mean, a B+ is pretty good. I went to lecture, like, twice all semester.
  2. I’ve really learned to appreciate new lifestyles. Guys, you don’t need to fast-forward through Jack-drawing-Rose-reclining-on-an-opulent-turn-of-the-century-sofa anymore. After all those naked parties, this stuff is like second nature.
  3. Animals (and gluten) have rights, too! You made my favorite baked macaroni and cheese for dinner? Aw, that’s so sweet. But, er, I don’t eat dairy. Yeah, or eggs. Or gluten, actually. I do eat certain species of fish, though! No, I’m kidding. I would never do that to a living organism.
  4. So, spring break? Oh my God, I want to go on this awesome service trip to Ecuador for spring break! It’s not that expensive, and it’s sponsored by the best fraternity!
  5. Wait, the detergent goes in the washer? I can’t wait for you to do my laundry. I haven’t washed my sheets since you put them on for me in August.
  6. Oh no!I guess I didn’t realize what “bursar” meant.
  7. I’m learning a lot. Did you see that interview with Natalie Portman where she said she gained more from parties than lectures at Harvard?
  8. Yay, my nightly email! Aw, it’s so nice that the Yale Chief of Police sends us email notifications of stabbings in the area even over break! They’re really dedicated to keeping us updated.
  9. What, my eBill? So, you might have noticed an extra $2700 charge on the eBill this month. I called them, and they said “Yale Health Hospitalization” is actually supposed to say “Yale Dining.” Weird.
  10. Umm … I kind of have a boyfriend …

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