SYDNEY: A new kind of Cold War

Self-Absorbed

If you happen to be bored today and want a mildly seasonal, mildly repetitive, mildly outdoorsy and mildly flavored activity, here’s my suggestion: Go get frozen yogurt at every single one of New Haven’s froyo vendors. Start with Polar Delight, then head to Go Greenly and feel mildly adventurous because you have left the official froyo district — i.e., there are no other froyo establishments within three blocks. Continue to Flavors (wave at Ashley’s, we’ll get back to that in a second) and stop in at Froyo World. Finally, for dessert, head to Pinkberry.

SydneyCIt opened yesterday, which I am sure you already know. Currently, I’m enjoying the sunshine from the benches outside of the Yale University Art Gallery and staring at the absurd line. I would estimate that the length of the line equals the average distance between any two froyo stores in New Haven. You would think they were giving out their froyo in diamond-encrusted cups. Police motorcycles sit parked outside, like they’re trying to make sure there isn’t a riot. It’s serious business. When I think about a cold war, I think of this. The cluster of pink and green balloons marks the territory. Maybe the owners of FroyoWold who can see them from their window feel scared. I am baffled. If there are free samples and a short line today, I encourage you to partake in the celebration of this momentous event, but I would also like to encourage you to join me in protest of a problem encroaching upon our campus.

No, I am not referring to the proliferation of chain stores on our streets — though this deserves our attention, because there are many basic necessities, such as underwear and towels, that cannot be easily acquired despite the availability of hand creams and bracelets. I’m referring to the shortage of ice cream.

Yes, Ashley’s has been voted best ice cream in New Haven every year since Yale’s founding. But through these many centuries, did anyone stop to consider that it is also the Yale community’s only ice-cream vendor? I don’t think this counts as a monopoly, but rather a disregarded business opportunity.

If the Yale College Council wanted to conduct a report on the State of Ice Cream at Yale, they literally could not, because Ashley’s would occupy the entire first line of the excel spreadsheet and then all the other rows would sit empty. I have nothing against Ashley’s, don’t get me wrong, but I am very pro choice.

I spent a while thinking about the cause of this shortage. Maybe dining hall ice cream, not Ashley’s, actually corners the market. But this seems unreasonable, because of the limited availability of flavors and constrained hours. Maybe people care about their health more than the creaminess of the desserts they consume. But that also doesn’t add up because nobody truly sees health benefits in a bag of candy dumped into a puddle of yogurt.

What if ice cream just isn’t hip enough? This makes me so sad. What could be more on-trend for this spring weather than a waffle cone piled high with scoops of coffee chip ice cream? Perhaps my new robin’s egg blue flats, but I’ve always firmly believed in matching accessories. Unfortunately, Ashley’s does not sell coffee chip. I settle for mint chip. But only because I have to — I have nowhere else to go.

I cannot conceive of a single reason why ice cream lacks the firepower to start its own cold war on this campus. If temperatures remain this lovely and the creamy treat situation this dire, I may just end up ordering an ice cream maker on Amazon. Watch out Ashley’s — my coffee chip wants to be Best of New Haven in 2015.

Caroline Sydney is a sophomore in Silliman College. Contact her at caroline.sydney@yale.edu .

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