Song: Going steady or ridin’ solo? Counterpoint

OMG. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! It’s time to bust out the annual to-do list again: gotta stock up on chick flicks, ice cream, tissues, and…

Wait. I don’t have to do any of that. I have a steady relationship — (I being the hypothetical John Song. For all you single ladies out there who ain’t got a ring on it, please still feel free to hit me up on Facebook, Myspace, AIM (do people still use this?), or/and whatever the Asian version of JDate is).

Like my counterpart Peter, I wasn’t necessarily rolling in dates when high school hit me. Every Valentine’s Day, I would look longingly at the couples holding hands, smooching, eating chocolate and generally being sickeningly, disgustingly in love. That experience was so traumatic that I’ve watched “The Notebook” and “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton” a combined 47 times.

Now, you might be asking yourself, “How is it possible that John Song never had any dates for Valentines Day?” or “What the f–k is ‘Win a Date with Tad Hamilton?’” The truth of the matter was that I was always holding out for the perfect girl, the girl with the smile that could melt my heart and the eyes that I could get lost in. Of course, I was also looking for a personality that I could take home to Mama and Papa Song, too.

The reason why I loaded up on the ice cream, tissues and chick flicks was because those couples around me weren’t waiting for the perfect guy or girl — they’d already found them. And on Valentine’s Day, the most romantic day of the year, they had somebody to cuddle with, to smooch with, and to watch “The Notebook” with.

Why is it better to be in a relationship for V-Day? Because relationships are the reason why St. Valentine has become the second most cherished Saint of Capitalism behind St. Nicholas. Our consumerist culture may have spiced up the importance of February 14 just a little bit, but the power of love is what makes that day eternal.

Now Valentine’s Day may seem like it’s all about the women, but it’s also special for men. It is the one chance for the Muscle-Milk guzzling, iron pumping bros to say “I love you” without catching flack from the other dudes. Why? Because they’re getting some lovin’ on Valentine’s Day — and you probably aren’t.

Even if you’re a cynical bro, there’s scientific evidence for why it’s better to be in a relationship than not. In a cheesy Netflix documentary about the Science of Sex Appeal, sex researchers have actually found that men in relationships produce massive amounts of pheromones that attract women. Plural. So even if Peter Parker’s relationship with Mary Jane never worked out, there’s a hundred girls lining up to upside-down kiss Spidey because they’re pheromonically infatuated with him. And he’s effing Spiderman, so that can’t hurt either.

At a Silliman Master’s Tea on Thursday, JT Tran, aka “The Asian Playboy,” explained that women become automatically more attracted to men when they surround themselves with women. Evolutionarily, females are conditioned to search for the alpha male that ensures the best chance of survival for their offspring. What better indication of alpha status than a male that already managed to snag a fellow female?

So, whether because of pheromones or because of evolutionary subconscious psychology, being in a relationship around the most romantically (and sexually) charged day of the year absolutely can’t hurt your chances. Spending it with your partner not only ensures that you’re in for a raucous night, but in the case that you break up with your significant other, there will be plenty of women who subconsciously can’t keep their hands off you. Not to play into stereotypes here, but for the average man who thinks about sex every seven seconds, a Valentine’s Day spent in a relationship is heaven.

See, contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day isn’t just a day for women or lovey-dovey feelings. It’s a day that man and woman, young or old, can enjoy — provided you’re in a relationship. As for me? I’ll be reserving Sudler Hall and its projector screen for back-to-back screenings of “The Notebook” and “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton.” Anyone care to join me?

John Song is a senior in Berkeley College and a former sports columnist and staff reporter for the News.

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