Clegg: Ladies, relax

Girls, please. Let’s all just take a deep breath and take a few steps back before we get all riled up. I mean, do we really think Yale sometimes cultivates a sexually threatening atmosphere towards women? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Yes, some DKE brothers shouted some playful chants about rape on Old Campus recently. Yes, last year an e-mail was widely circulated detailing which girls in the freshman class were most desirable to sleep with. Yes, members of a certain fraternity were once seen in startlingly close proximity to a sign declaring “We Love Yale Sluts.” Outside the Women’s Center.

Coincidence, ladies. Coincidence!

Listen, I honestly believe that each of these examples can be adequately explained without jumping to the conclusion that the men involved have no respect for women whatsoever.

Take the recent DKE example. Look, I know it looks bad, a group of fraternity brothers shouting “No means yes! Yes means anal!” outside several dormitories where first-year women are reputed to live. But let’s not take this out of context. For one, the guys were most likely drunk. In that respect, it’s amazing they were able to chant more than four words in succession with any consistency at all. But more importantly, these guys weren’t actually talking about the widespread sexual abuse towards women! I mean, for us to think that, we’d have to jump to the wild conclusion that words have meaning, and that the DKE brothers meant for their words to mean the things they actually mean.

That’s just crazy.

Or maybe by “anal,” the DKE guys meant “obsessively organized and neat,” and they were just asking for women for help getting their house in order; after all they’re much better at those things than men! Did we ever think of that? Of course not.

As for the so-called “pre-season scouting report,” in which freshman girls were ranked based on several uncouth sexual criteria without their knowledge or consent, all we’ve seen is more overreaction from Yale’s uppity female community. Sheesh! First of all, the guys who wrote that e-mail didn’t intend for any girls to see it in the first place, okay? So it’s not really even fair to criticize them for it. But the bigger issue is this: a “pre-season scouting report” is a great idea! Listen, girls, you need to understand where these guys are coming from. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to go out on the dance floor, start dancing with a girl, and then have her leave abruptly because “you’re being creepy, get away from me or I’m calling the police”?

Let me tell you, the guys who wrote that e-mail know. So it’s only natural that they’d want to pool their resources to maximize their potential for sexual success. And if doing that means compiling a list that treats women as sexual objects, then more power to them.

Am I right?

Maybe a better way to look at the “pre-season scouting report” is this: it’s an example of the best idea that certain men at Yale have had so far. Think about it. It’s a group of men. They want women. How do they get women? They don’t know. The scouting report was a shot in the dark. And now a bunch of feminist harpies are raining down on them with accusations of sexual harassment? Leave the poor guys alone.

Finally we get to the Zeta Psi “We Love Yale Sluts” sign. I wouldn’t worry too much about that, as it’s questionable whether any of the brothers involved actually knew how to read.

In conclusion, I’d like to reiterate my message to Yale’s women: chill out. Just because we average a campus-wide threat to women’s sexual freedom and security every year or so is no reason to freak. And here’s my ultimate proof: if anything truly dangerous were going on, wouldn’t Yale’s administration take some kind of disciplinary action?

I rest my case.

River Clegg is a senior in Davenport College.

Comments

  • Branford11

    if you’re going to try to take words which were spoken in the context of an initiation (meant to embarrass a bunch of freshmen by making them say clearly stupid things) at their literal meaning, then it’d be hard to come to any sexist conclusions seeing as the words don’t mention women at any point and could easily be about men. sexual aggression isn’t always from men to women

    also you seem to be oblivious to the idea that in our society men are expected to be the initiators in heterosexual relationships and hookups. pretty much any action a guy takes to try to get with a girl in a way that would be traditionally romantic would be considered sexist and “violent” by the standards held in this article. that makes things fairly difficult seeing as women at this school generally expect to be treated with a certain amount of chauvinistic, deeply sexist chivalry if they are to respond favorably to a guy’s advances.

    and trashing the intelligence of frat brothers never gets old, right? that’s totally not chauvinistic or offensive in any way…

  • ohBranford11

    Wait just one second Clegg- to quote my brother above, you’re “going to try to take words which were spoken in the context of an initiation” at their LITERAL meaning? As in, people should be held accountable for their actions no matter the context? You can’t POSSIBLY believe that a drunk group of pledges shouting “Hey N*****, get back to picking cotton!” outside a Black Student Union Group MEAN anything by it, can you? It’s all in good fun, Clegg, obviously. I mean, you aren’t actually suggesting that Yale students should be held accountable to Yale codes of conduct, right? Heard of the Constitution? Heard of the 1st Amendment? Any frat brother in the country can tell a women to her face that “No means yes, yes means anal” and by GOD, the 1st Amendment will protect his right to do so. Something like that can’t POSSIBLY be categorized as sexual harassment, Clegg. It’s not like the Yale policy on sexual harassment explicitly states that “Sexual harassment is antithetical to academic values and to a work environment free from the fact or appearance of coercion. It is a violation of University policy and may result in serious disciplinary action. Sexual harassment consists of verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature on or off campus, when: such conduct has the purpose or effect of unreasonably interfering with an individual’s work or academic performance or creating an intimidating or hostile academic or work environment.” Clegg- these DKE guys can’t be expected to have READ these policies, and they certainly can’t be expected to uphold them. I mean, do you ALSO expect them to uphold the fundamental tenants of Yale student conduct that state that:

    “Yale University affirms:

    1. Its commitment to protect free expression and peaceful dissent and to preserve mutual respect and charitable relations among all members of the Yale community.

    2. Its belief that physical restriction, coercion, or *intimidation* of any member of that community is contrary to the basic principles of the University.

    3. Its expectation that such action will ordinarily result in temporary or permanent separation from Yale College.

    Honestly Clegg, these aren’t kids that got into a school with a 9.7% admission rate and have at least a 5th grade reading level, these are just a bunch of drunk guys! We can’t hold them to any standard at all. That, and you’re a ranting feminist lunatic. I say let DKE do what they want, when they want- that’s the REAL code of conduct.

    And Brandford11, I’m wth you- I’m sick to death of girls telling me it’s not “romantic” when I tell them the 1st Amendment covers my right to say “Take it and shut up, slut.” Women these days. Next thing you know they’ll want Yale to uphold legal policy over some whiny DKE jackasses’ claim to free speech. Get a clue Clegg- the rules don’t apply to frat guys, period.

    Kegger at Branford11’s place tonight- get ready to be romanced, ladies.

  • DebbieDowner

    I for one am certainly not looking for any DKE tonight.

  • Goldie08

    Women used to slap men when they were crass. I will never forget when I was in 6th grade and was pestering the girl I had a crush on, because, well – that’s what little boys do to girls they like. She slapped me hard across the face and the lesson has stuck with me ever since.

    Don’t go to their parties. When they come up behind you uninvited at toad’s ask them to leave. Slap them every once in a while. They will get the message.

  • sorrytobreakit2you

    satire

  • CC07

    Brilliant. Love it.

  • mmmorse

    lolz

  • Summer

    I can’t believe YWC members are posting this on their facebook pages in outrage without understanding *satire* when they see it.

  • CC07

    Hey Summer–some of us YWC members are posting it in approval. And the “likes” I’m getting on it are coming from other feminists, thanks.

  • 1Y1

    This isn’t funny. Sorry.

  • mrmike527

    “Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to go out on the dance floor, start dancing with a girl, and then have her leave abruptly because “you’re being creepy, get away from me or I’m calling the police”?

    Let me tell you, the guys who wrote that e-mail know.”

    Hahaha that’s brilliant.

  • audreyrasmusson

    Mr. Clegg,

    Your response to the rape chant situation is so frivolous as to be insulting. Had I heard such language from the windows of my dormitory during my first week at university, I might well have been frightened into dropping out. Of course, you might not consider one less attorney (and yes, feminist) to be a loss. I submit, that any client that I have protected from unbearable harrassment or bullying, not to mention physical danger, at school would beg to disagree.

    Sincerely,
    Audrey Rasmusson
    Attorney at Law
    Pittsburgh, PA

  • Omar_Mumallah

    ^^ Ma’am this is a satirical piece. His sympathies and yours in all likelihood coincide immensely.