Columnist promises to improve

I have to apologize right here at the get-go. This column is going to suck.

Quite a selling point, I know. Call it midterm season and the fact that my life has been woefully deprived of sports for the past two or three weeks. Chalk it up to the fact that I’ve had to haul myself to UCS every other day for three weeks, sprained ankle and knee in tow (there’s a reason I write about sports more often than I play them). Think about the wild and crazy times I’ve been having since I stopped editing this newspaper a few weeks ago, all the drugs, alcohol and women night after night.

OK, scratch the last one and replace it with “Sitting in my room and updating my fantasy football team, then losing when Tom Brady goes off for four touchdowns and 372 yards and having to bear your friend’s harassing you about it while he’s drunk … twice.” Same playbook, different play.

In any event, let’s call this my introduction. I’d like to explain who I am and what I hope to do this year. And hopefully you’ll be intrigued enough to come back next week.

First, a bit about myself. I just turned 21, but I don’t plan to stop acting like I’m eight any time soon. I have a nonsensical double major, and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I sing too much — usually songs from the mid-1990s that you thought (wrongly) you’d never be subjected to again. I play lots of IMs, unless I manage to hurt myself, which seems to happen a lot lately.

And worst of all for you, dearest reader, I like puns. But I’m pretty sure my editors will keep you safe on that front. At least they’ll try.

On to sports.

My favorite sport to follow is professional football, and my favorite team is the Jets. Has been since I was four. Curtis Martin’s career’s potentially being over is a horrible thing for football. Meanwhile, the fact that I support the Jets bodes well for my coverage of Yale sports. It all falls under the general heading “Coping with loss.”

My least favorite figure in professional sports is Isiah Thomas, GM and now head coach of the New York Knicks. TO is a jackass, and folks like Chad Johnson and Drew Rosenhaus aren’t far behind. But Isiah is unique. He has managed to screw up essentially every great job he’s ever fallen into since setting the standard for the small point guard, yet he always manages to resurface somewhere even better. Since he took over my NBA team, he’s managed to prove that you can have (read: overpay for) all the talent you can get your hands on and still have one of the league’s crummiest squads. Chemistry counts, buddy.

Meanwhile, given the Bulls’ rout of the defending champion Heat yesterday, I’m fully prepared for the Knicks to stink their way to a beautiful pick this season, only to have to cough it up for the Bulls’ mid-20s pick. Yep, that’s still that Eddy Curry trade. Owner James Dolan has promised that Isiah has to perform this year or he’ll be gone. I challenge you to find me 10 people on campus who don’t hope at least a little bit that the Knicks tank this season.

My question of the week is what’s going to happen to Barry Bonds next season. I’m sure he’ll get a job, most likely some cushy DH gig. And I do think he’s going to break the record. But I wonder just how much he’s going to like life outside the friendly confines of San Francisco.

And now, to finish up, an idea of what to expect from me this year — and what I’d like from you.

This is a Yale paper, and I’m going to try to write about Yale sports more often than not. I understand that you probably care more about the Yankees than the heavyweight crew team. Maybe you even root for the Red Sox, I don’t know your mental health history. But here’s the logic. First, I’m pretty sure you can get better commentary on national sports from Sports Illustrated than from me. Second, I think college sports are more of a challenge, especially here at Yale. Yale sports don’t have the cultural relevance and controversy of national sports, at least not most of the time.

I won’t tell you that you should be going to more Yale games. You should, and I’d be flattered if I could convince you to, but devoting my energy there would be a waste. And I’m really not out to drool over any athletes. There’s no fun in reading that, so I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have fun writing it either.

So what do I write about? Good question. Give me another week to think about it.

And that brings me to my last point. If you like something you read, tell me. If you don’t like something you read, tell me that too. Most importantly, if you have any great column ideas, send them my way. You can figure out my e-mail. I’ll be able to write better, more interesting columns. And you’ll assure me that my parents aren’t the only ones reading this tripe.

Alright folks, next time I’ll actually take on a topic. Don’t be strangers.

Dan Adler is a senior in Pierson College and a former Sports Editor for the News. His column appears on Thursdays.

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